Yesterday I got my new glasses and today I am travelling to Spain as the intention was to celebrate my parents Golden Wedding Anniversary (50th Wedding Anniversary).  However, my father is in hospital... so there is a change of plans.

Maybe because of the proximity of this two events, I awoke this morning thinking about an interesting analogy.  This is the first time I am having two different type of glasses, for reading and for distance (I am getting old... and besides, many years without going to check my eyesight).

The analogies are based around perception (seeing) and thinking.  For example, the same way that now I use different glasses to read (or use the computer) and to see in the distance, I was thinking that when we think we can focus in the present (or short term) or in our life time (or long term).  Relating it to the fifty anniversary, I was revising photographs that have been taking since many years ago, what brought to me thoughts and emotions that even if there were not forgotten, there were "a bit far".  That is interesting to be compared with the "present mode" in which usually I am thinking about the day to day basis (or even maybe the month to month basis or yearly basis).

When I went to do the eye examination, it is interesting that I was not only checked how I see in different distances, but also about the health of my eye.  The eye examination can include discussion about your health, about the many different type of glasses available (or contact lenses), different options, about the age, digital retinal photography, habits such as use of computer, etc.  This reminded me when I had a conversation with my cousin, Isabel, about nutrition and she asked me about my eating habits to adjust my diet, making it a healthier one adapted to my timetable, work patterns, habits, etc. not only a standard diet that is good for everybody (if everybody was having the same life routines).

The truth is that I should have been aware that I was needing two different glasses (I suppose I was feeling some headache, tiredness, etc., specially after using the computer or reading for a long time).  Now I feel better, more comfortable (I was not feeling really bad before, but I feel better now), I feel more relaxed and I enjoy seeing more in the distance (yesterday I was even looking into the eyes of people wearing sun glasses).

As a thinking coach, I can see some analogies with an optician:  It is not only about the quality of thoughts, about the number of ideas, but also about the health of the mind generating the ideas.  Can you imagine if somebody was needing some to type of injection, medication or drink to generate ideas?  In the last few years it is happening to me something very interesting: It is in the morning when I awake with ideas I was not thinking about, like the idea for this blog.  It makes me believe in that idea that the brain works unconsciously while you are asleep.  Maybe some people think about thinking as an effort (a work to do), while other people think about thinking as a game (something to play with).

The same as an optician, I could suggest different techniques to think, to generate ideas (comparing with glasses to look at different distances, for example, could be suggestions about analogies that are from similar fields or from different ones).  Thinking about health, there could be some discussion about "healthy ways of thinking", not jumping into conclusions, not thinking all/nothing, not guessing the future or what other people are thinking, not thinking about the worst of the situations, etc.

What about using special glasses that can provide more information? I can think about microscopes, telescopes, google glasses (facial recognition, translation, information from wikipedia, maybe it could be used to record the process of problem solving, generating ideas, etc. so that it can be improved).  What if I was a dog with special smell ability, an eagle with special eyes, a bug, a bat...?

Different distances (looking with a microscope or with a telescope), different times (present, a life time, a century), different motivations, different backgrounds, different expectations, different, fears, different worries, different hopes, different mistakes, different experiences, different educations, different perceptions, different senses, different abilities and disabilities, different countries and cultures, different ways of thinking, behaving and living.


Happy anniversary!!!

How can we help people to think?  By asking open questions with the aim of helping others.  We can help others by helping them to think.


There are three important parts:

• To ask open questions
  
• To try to help
  
• To show we are trying to help

If we want to help people, instead of telling them the answers, we should try to help them to find them by themselves, as our answers might not be what they want.

Besides, different people have different understanding, different knowledge and experiences, different motivations, different ways of dealing with things, different worries, different emotions attached to different meanings... so we can help in different ways... help them to think.

We can think about situations in which we can have arguments with different type of people, such as family (parents, children- specially teenagers, brothers), work colleagues, friends, customers, etc.

On my experience, as important as the type of questions we ask, it is the attitude that we show when we ask.  When our attitude is as if we know everything, or as if we are trying to lead them to our answers, then we are going wrong.

On the other side, if the other person is trying to manipulate us, to provoke us, to take advantage, etc., even if we can feel it, it is a very efficient way to approach this situation by asking open questions to clarify the situation, so that we consistently show that we need more information to try to see the best way to help.  Very often when somebody is trying to use us, to take advantage of us, to provoke us, there could be some other reasons that we should try to explore to know the root of the situation, that could be something totally independent to us.

When talking to teenagers, it seems they can feel "interrogated" while we try to learn about the situation.  It is a delicate situation in which we have to show that we are trying to help and the questions we ask, are trying to be at least uncomfortable as possible, showing that depending on which answer there could be different options to choose.

Usually we tend to question quickly things we don´t agree with.  There is a risk when asking questions that it could seem we are just asking questions to get information about what we want.  In the case that the other person is talking about something, asking questions could mean we are disturbing their own way of thinking, their own pace of linking thoughts, so it could be advisable not to just ask questions, but to have the patience to allow them to express themselves as they wish and be very attentive to  what they are saying because they might show the keys to the answers we are trying to look for.

We can feel when somebody is saying things that are not totally "right": overgeneralizing, all/nothing, jumping into conclusions, exaggerating, making the problems bigger or smaller to what they are, guessing the future, mind reading, discounting the positive, being too emotional, blaming others or themselves unfairly, labeling, etc.  then we can think how to make questions in a non confrontational way, but showing that we are trying to understand.  It can become like a game in which in a socratic way we show examples of instances that conflict with the general statements they make or better we ask for examples in which their thoughts conflict with reality.